The essay that I believe showed my progress with my writing skills, was essay #2.
Link to first draft: https://docs.google.com/a/une.edu/document/d/16sD80KMy-krJLMizos53iesuFoavH6dkrUIaOT5bARY/edit?usp=sharing
Link to final draft with highlighted changes: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1abAsWUj1lpzaBJ1ripB5vGq3KR2j82rcQBJLXxBCnxo/edit
Photos of my writing process:
Sometimes my writing process is messy and unorganized, because I’m brainstorming all of my thoughts and writing them all out then deciding which one is best. Once I figure out my topic, I typically try to write out my introduction and then a brief explanation of what my supporting paragraphs will consist of.
I chose essay number 2 to show to progress because when I started to write this essay I struggled a great amount with finding what sounded well and what didn’t. After we had peer edits I had a better sense on what I wanted in or removed from my essay. I then went to SASC to gain a better feel if my essay made sense of not. I found that SASC was very helpful, in fact I used it for my third essay as well. The only thing that I didn’t like was that they were unfamiliar with the Naysayer paragraph, and the person changed my paragraph slightly which my naysayer not as strong. In this essay I used three of the new paragraph styles we learned in class, which were a naysayer, text-to-self, and Barclay paragraph. I could tell that just from the first essay I had to write the second one seemed to come easier. Although, I struggled with the first draft, the writing process was easier than my first essay I wrote.
Learning Outcome 1
My revision process has improved just by taking this class. I have learned to focus and be aware of global concerns, but still make sure my local errors are corrected. I think I still have a great amount room to grow with my revision process. According to Nancy Sommer, I fall into the student writer category, because I “sometimes merely restate the same idea with different words.” I do this thinking that I am avoiding repetition, but in reality I am just restating myself. However, I try to achieve things that an experienced writer would, but I still struggle with completing the whole process that an experienced writer would complete. An example of goal I try to achieve in essays is to know what “my essay as a whole need[s] for form, balance, rhythm or communication” (Sommers). Although I am aware of this concern, I still lack achieving the whole piece. I am making progress toward becoming an experienced writer, since I took out a whole paragraph and changed it completely in my final draft, so that my thesis made more sense. In the forth paragraph of my final draft I highlighted the paragraph that I added in. I think I have gained a great amount of potential to becoming an experienced writer, but I think I still have a lot of room to work on my revision process.
Learning Outcome 2
Using evidence to back up your essay can be very powerful. This allows your views to be backed up and supported by other writers, which essentially will give the reader more of a reason to be intrigued by your writing. I think that I have a good grasp on how or when to use quotes and when to expand on the meaning of the quote. An example of a quote that I back up and was essential in my essay #2, I wrote here about Epstein:
“She explains “…Ugandans are more likely to know their neighbors and live near members of their extended family” (116).Uganda was able to make a change by having close communities and openly sharing stories. In order to create a change you need to share your stories with close connected people. It is known that close relationships will be there for you when you are in need of help at your weakest.”(Wiesemann 4).
I back up this quote because it was meaningful for my essay. By expanding on a quote that you use in your essay allows the readers to know why you chose that quote, and allows them to know that you understand it as well. It is crucial to make sure that the quotes are related to your thesis and the point that you are trying prove. I believe that throughout my essay I used quotes that worked well in my essay.
Learning Outcomes 5 and 6
Having correct MLA is crucial in your essay, because it could be considered plagiarism. After taking English 110, I have become more familiar with and when to cite the authors name and page, just the page, or even the video time. In my second essay I introduced a quote from Charles Duhigg:
“Reporter Charles Duhigg provides an example about the benefit of weak ties in his piece, “From Civil Rights To Mega Churches.” He writes, “The power of weak ties helps explain how a protest can expand from a group of friends into broad social movement” (91)”.
Because I introduced the author first I didn’t need to state his last name in parentheses, only the page number. MLA falls into local concerns which isn’t a huge concern for me because I generally have a good understanding of how to cite quotes correctly. For local concerns I struggle with comma splices. After doing the mini-lessons in class I grasped a better understanding of what they are and how to avoid them. Knowing this will help me in my future writing. A comma splice example from the first essay I wrote is:
“Although if anything, it created more cautious, it brought shame onto the people that did suffer from HIV and no changes in the rates of HIV/AIDS.” (1).
A way to fix this sentence would be to have made it say “,and it brought shame…”. English 110 has educated me on complex things from new formats of paragraphs, and all the way to simple things like how to fix a comma splice.
My Future hopes
In the future processes of my writing I hope to work on adding in more powerful quotes, and not use as many embedded quotes. I want to make sure that I have a better understanding and know how to use a naysayer correctly. I have a sense of what I need to do, but I feel as though I still have more room to grow. Something that would also help would be to see SASC with my first draft, not only the final draft. I need to also make sure that all of my sentences are complete before I pass in my essay, and that my topic sentences are strong and clear. Without the help of others, I want to be able to know if my thesis makes sense in my essay. I also want to know if my supporting paragraphs back up my thesis and that I stay on track. Although, I still have plenty of room to grow with my writing, I have learned a lot of helpful techniques that make my essays stronger than any essays that I wrote in high school.
